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How I Met My Son

A month ago my son arrived a week ahead of time after putting his mom through an experiance she was neither prepared for nor was she able to handle with any resemblance of lady like behavior.
Labor and delivery aren’t beautiful even if they are miraculous. So I will try to limit the description of bodily fluids to the minimum so that you don’t feel the need to wash your eyeballs with bleach or tie up your tubes.
The last mile of a pregnancy has little joy to be honest. You are huge- every movement is slow and filled with discomfort. I couldn’t wait for it to end and “motherhood” to start. I was counting days to the start of my maternity leave and my gynec was hinting my bundle was piling it on ( like his momma) and that we may have to plan an early induction if the baby continued to gain weight at this pace.
However by May the weight gain had stabilized. After a couple of highly unpleasant internal exams on May 5th the gynec said it looked like baby would make an appearance only by the EDD.
So at 8PM that evening when I got up to have dinner only to feel a woosh and find myself standing in a pool of blood I was shocked . The contractions started immediately. The husband who by some quirk of fate felt like taking the day off sprung into action and ran with my hospital bag to the car. MIL and my mother meanwhile tried to calm me (and themselves I believe) and control the flow of blood. But it didn’t stop, I spattered from my home to the car, from the car backseat to the hospital corridor and all the way to L&D room.
The duty doctor freaked on seeing my blood soaked clothes. ( I had been bleeding for close to an hour by then) and wanted to perform an emergency c sec right away. However on monitoring fetal heartbeat and my blood pressure – both of which appeared normal she decided to wait. She called my ob-gyn and decided I have “excessive show”. We decided to wait and watch.
The labour had begun.
The minutes seemed like hours. Due to the bleeding I couldn’t walk, massage myself or make any movement – I had to lie prone on my back and well grin and bear.
The husband at this point was doing everything wrong – for eg telling me things like “This isn’t pain. You are not hurt. This is a gift” to motivate me. If I could, I would have kicked him where it hurt and told him it was my gift to him. Fortunately for him I was flat on my back.
This continued till 6AM. I had dilated from 2 to 3cm after 10 odd hours of labour.
It was time to induce.
The next 3 hours were non stop contractions. By 9AM I was begging every nurse and doctor who came in for a pain killer and couldn’t bear another internal exam. I was also wallowing in sweat, blood, and passing other fluids in a bed pan. It may not be the place for such thing but it was a little humiliating. Also I was getting scolded by the LD nurses for wimpering from pain.
At around 9.30-9.45 my ob-gyn came. After another painful internal exam the mood of the room changed.
What happened the next 15 mins I am not sure of because I was too delirious with pain and the husband had at this opportune moment unfortunately stepped out for grabbing a bite.
I could only make out “7cms- she will not be able to push-baby is also big.”
By the time my husband came down there was an oxygen mask on my face and an energency c sec form in my hands for signature. Apparently the fetal heartbeat was dropping.
A catheter was inserted and I was bundled to the OT. Everything was frantic now. My ob-gyn was shouting at people. The lights were too bright and I was given spinal injections. The screen was set up and I could feel hands moving in the lower part of my body. Then there was something pressing down and the doctor standing near my head said “It’s over. It’s over. Baby is out. That was the pressure releasing”.
It was 10.28AM. 14 odd hours after my labor began.
“What is it?”
“It’s a boy. He is fine but we are taking him to NICU. Your husband will be there along with him.”
I think I passed out from exhaustion and remember vaguely being wheeled to a post op room.
C Sec moms get a lot of flak for not passing through the trial by fire of motherhood that is labor. But the weeks of recovery post op convinced me C Sec is a b@&%! And an emergency one after enduring labour gets me a gold star.
My son remained in NICU for a day while his breathing stabilized and the maternal blood he had swallowed was removed.
He was 3.28kgs and 50cms at birth.
I was on bed rest the day of the birth and met him for the first time the next morning almost 24 hours after birth.
He was on his bed in NICU making faces in his dream and a simple board identified him as B/O “me”. A rather plain way of telling the world that my heart now lay outside my body, don’t you think?

 
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Posted by on June 8, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Fear

This is going to be TMI and not only for the reference of body parts and processes one rather not but from that I am it maybe TMI about a first time mother’s feelings.
Labour Day is almost here ( haha yup not the May1 labour Day!). It’s just a matter of a week give or take few.
All my pregnancy I have pushed this thought away from my head that one day that baby would need to come out through that small hole in my body.
I almost thought of labour and the final show like a third person, Which would happen to someone else.
But yesterday was a rude awakening. I went for an internal exam. The first of my life. Unlike my first ultrasound I couldn’t look at the experiance and laught later or put a comedic spin to it.
It was painful. I screamed like a child and started resisting. Which made it more painful. Ultimately my Obgyn gave up and couldn’t do the stripping as she had planned.
While I have gone crazy reading if stripping is the right way to go ahead after coming home. What shocked me was my utter intolerance to pain.
Who was that yelping schoolgirl on that table? How is this person planning to give birth naturally? Have I already started jeopardizing Baby B due to my own failures? Yup the hamster was spinning out of control in my brain.
The Obgyn chided me for being a wimp. And it just added to my overall embarrassment and sense of failure.
Then she wrote in my pregnancy folder that I was “not allowing”.
I cried all the way home and then some more. Put myself to sleep crying only to wake up after a nightmare of dying in the OT without ever meeting my baby.
Yup. OVER-REACTION.
Asked a few friends who said the stripping pain was manageable. That didn’t help me.
Spoke to other mums. Thought about all the kids born in this world and the pain all mums go through. I ain’t the first one. I am not Eve.
Truly the dread of physical pain is much more than any mental agony. Because it’s a bit of both.
I go in for a request check next week. If I don’t “allow” I am afraid the verdict would be clear.
I will be the mum who didn’t even try natural.

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Baby got belly

You know am pretty sure ( after 4 ultrasounds and many, many Obgyn visits) that there is only one there. And no I have some time left to pop.

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2015 in motherhood, rant, Uncategorized

 

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Link

Sometimes I think I complain too much. I realise pregnancy is not a gift to be taken lightly. That many wish and don’t get it. And I know how it felt too se months when I would be hopeful only for the familiar cramps dutifully punching my guts like clockwork.
But let’s face it, mums hide a lot of pregnancy stuff from you. Or maybe every pregnancy is really different.

For My Friend Who Thinks She’s the Only One Who Hates Pregnancy | Kristen Mae

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Pretty much how I look and feel with 2 months to go. Also baby has decided 12AM every night is just the right time to do 80s disco followed by quick refresher training on Kung Fu.

 
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Posted by on March 13, 2015 in motherhood, Uncategorized

 

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There is some serious karate training happening inside.

 
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Posted by on February 26, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Gender Bender

I don’t know come May if I will get a little bouncing baby boy or girl. 

Because pre natal sex determination is banned in India. 

You just need to look at our sex ratio to know why.
You see nature creates more females than males but our culture while worshiping the female form as a goddess prefers a male heir as a default.
So 40 years ago people kept trying till they got a son. And ended up with 10 kids.They still do that except those girls preceding the boy are often killed in the womb. 

I wish I could say it’s a poor mans or an illiterate mans problem but it’s not. The discrimination and it’s subtle variances are part of the daily life in India across classes.
I remember my erstwhile neighbors crestfallen, the MIL sobbing away because the DIL delivered a second daughter. Even today elders of the family would bless you with a long life, and healthy sons (not children). Sons get a birth ceremony while daughters..well just show up. 

Of course there are socio economic factors behind this in a poor country like ours where sons are seen essentially as an investment for the old age of parents while daughters are to be given away along with money ( dowry) to another family. Add to it the ever hanging sword of a daughter’s honor. To ensure it isn’t sullied till she gets married – that her character is pure.
I can go on but there are many articles available online which can explain all these issues more coherently. 

Things are changing slowly though. A high percentage of urban couples no longer have a male fixation and the story is reversing in the interiors as well.

But where does this leave a newly expectant parents?
Signing a legal document before entering an ultrasound clinic. Essentially the technician and the parents swear an oath not to ask or reveal the gender of the fetus. 

That hasn’t stopped husband and I from analyzing our scan at all angles to see if a nub exists. Reading old wives tales on dancing wedding rings. The scull theory. Looking at Chinese gender charts. Turning various shades of green as friends in other countries post shades of blue or pink and decide on names. Reading meanings into cravings. 

Does it matter to us? Not a bit. 

My own life is a testimony that if you invest in a daughter she can be the support your son may or may not be. 

And a son? I hope he takes after my husband who does the tight rope between me and his mom in the most excellent fashion.

 
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Posted by on February 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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