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Finish Line

It has been so long since I have seen this dashboard vis a vis the multiple work related dashboards I see everyday. Have to say I had to reset my password and stumble along a bit till I got here.

This post comes after a year. In fact more than that. Not that I got any crazed blog followers begging me out of my retirement but today I was reading this woman’s blog- she was funny and she was real and for a moment she reminded me of me or rather how I perceive my writing to be. And I realized how long it has been that I have not written a complete paragraph.

It was a mixed bag this year. 2011 was very good, so I set myself some ambitious growth targets in my personal and professional space-took some risks and I wish I could say I came out with flying colors but I didn’t. I succeeded in some, learnt some hard lessons, regretted some decisions, and thanked God for the good in life. In my mind I am reviewing 2012 in a loop and thinking what could make 2013 defining for me in a good way.

I was in a slump in this last quarter- you know where you doubt yourself every step and like a self fulfilling prophecy your doubts result in mis-steps. It would have been positively comic if it werent happening to me.

And in the midst of this I decided to run a 10K. Like every year I had taken the usual-get-fitter-lose-weight New Years Resolution and like a good manager I wanted it defined. So 2012-Run a 10K became the one liner in my mind.

To put things in perspective I dont like to run (or any other physical activity which involves elevated heartbeat and any sort of hand-eye coordination) and it doesnt do anything for me physically or mentally. My body doesnt change (I fuel up more than I need ) and mentally I picture myself having a cardiac arrest or dying of boredom.

Once or twice a week I run 3.5 kms on the treadmill. Yes, I wanted to follow a training schedule. Yes I have a year long gym membership. And yes I did zilch about preparing myself.

And there I was at the Bangalore Midnight Marathon with my iPhone playing my workout-playlist. I wanted to turn back and run home instead-because I knew, I just knew there was no way I would hit the finish line. That 2 hours would be up-they would close the trail and they would find me crawling somewhere. Or maybe I would just give up.

I was convinced I could not do it. I would fail. In front of all these people.

The race started. Some people ran ahead, some fell behind. I was there in between somewhere and as familiar music played in my earphones I started to run. 35 minutes later with couple of walking breaks in between I was still running. And I had finished 5kms.

This was more than I have ever run in one stretch or one day. But there were people who were running their second lap and there were people behind me. So many people behind me. And suddenly I wanted to finish this. Finish this race. My mind saw the finish line and my body just obeyed. I was reduced to brisk walking/trot/bursts of running by the time I finished 7 but I now knew I could push the 3 remaining Kms out.

And I did. It took me a goddamn 90 minutes which doesn’t stand any test of endurance/strength/stamina/speed but I walked over that 10K finish line.

For many people this would be a physical victory- of pushing their body. But for me it was doing something that my rational-realistic brain said I couldn’t-I wasnt good enough for.(Wonderful adventures with my self esteem await you in archives through the link).There wasn’t triumphant background music at my finish line. I didn’t burst into tears. My perception of life and myself didn’t change over night. But it was a small victory for my self worth.

Of course now I have to run a 10K under 60 minutes to prove my worth. To myself.

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2012 in life

 

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18 till I die!

Sometimes all the dices seem loaded against you.Everything around you seems morose and bleak.

And that is time for tough decision making and a 25 year old has to do what she ‘s got to do. The same thing she has been doing whenever she has run into trouble from age 4.Run to mamma.

So with Friday off, I wipped out the credit card and excitedly opened my favorite travel portal.(Hint: it is not Ezeego1)Checking the prices I found a low cost carrier for 12k. “Fishing expensive!” I thought till I realised it was 12k one-way. Much chest beating, Mallya-Goyal alliance cursing later I was taking out 2 printouts for our national carrier.

I have never flown Indian Airlines before.But in my imagination the plane looked like the derelict admin block in college where we stood in never ending lines and were asked to return the next day many times over by the silver haired officer.

When the guy at the ticket counter greeted me with a” namaste, aapne i-check in kar liya hain?” instead of “good morning maam” with fake rolling of r’s, my imagination was already springing to life. But things were smooth. The aircraft was sparkling clean and there was enough leg space for me to not go on a 3 hour flight in a forced yoga position balancing the food tray on the paunch. The average age of the flight attendants hovered around 40 in optimistic approximation.

Just a day before I was comparing air hostess quality across carriers and was complaining the lack of attractive male stewards and the occasional pimple faced gangly youth on Jet Airways. The steward here must have been only a decade younger to my father and sported a head bereft of hair and a very fatherly paunch. No welcome abroad greeted me as women who looked like my English teacher from school walked the aisles checking for people with seats not in upright position and window shades not up.There was no uneccesary flashing of smile-in fact no flashing of smile at all. Does your mother smile when she gives you breakfast and tea?Most probably she would bark at you to finish the parantha she made by waking at 6. My mother did. And the airhostess had the same expression as her.Severe, one may say. When steward uncle finally bent down and asked what do you want to eat, I felt like the awkward teenager I was in 1995.

Soon I tuned in the inflight entertainment and what did I find.Retro hits-a blast from the past. After neighbourhood babies getting taught to call one aunty, another definitive sign of pending old age is when you see songs of your teenage on retro hits.

It was an hour special on Backstreet Boys.Ah, the time when one used to fantasize about Kevin Richardson in private while publicly declaring love for Nick Carter like everyone in your girl group .

So tucked in a comfortable chair with ample leg room, BB on TV and uncles and aunties providing food and beverages one became a teenager again. And that believe me is reason enough to fly IA again.

Which I am doing on Sunday.So much for a holiday.

******

The amount I paid for the flight could have taken me to Bangkok or Dubai. The passport which was made after much running around posts and pillars is still waiting a single visa stamping. Mail is checked furiously each day in hopes of a mail from exotic country asking for my presence without which their systems would fall apart. Obviously the countries are doing very well without my help,thank you very much.

An occasional login to the social networking sites shows 80% of my “friends” have foreign shores as their current location. Thanks to softwares or husbands that need to be supported.

So my official stance on all matters related to foreign travel is a stoic “Mera Bharat Mahaan”.Howarah bridge London bridge se kam hain kya?

******

In one of those moves which can result in much egg on face, I have also joined Roop in her Fitness fervor blog.The goal of this website is to bring together a group of motivated people who can share their enthusiasm for healthy well-being with others.

With a weight that has yoyo-ed between 48-65kgs over the last four years I do not know what I bring to the table (apart from the calories).But if someone benefits from my trials and errors then great. Also putting my goals up on net may finally cause enough shame not to binge on weekends after being a good girl the entire week and not to skip gym because ahemm…mood nai kar raha tha.

So do volunteer at firness fervour if you find something worked for you or you are generally enthu about keeping fit.(Rohit I am talking to you, I think you run log is pretty awesome).

So that’s all for now.See you laters,alligators (keeping with the whole back to teenage theme. No I never used that as a teenager, I am just trying to be cool.)

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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