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Baby got belly

You know am pretty sure ( after 4 ultrasounds and many, many Obgyn visits) that there is only one there. And no I have some time left to pop.

 
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Posted by on April 12, 2015 in motherhood, rant, Uncategorized

 

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Elephant memory

Do you know how captive elephants are trained to not run away? They have these 15-20 kilo heavy chains around their legs. Now you would wonder why an elephant which weighs tonnes could possibly feel constrained by a chain weighing a few kilos?
Of course there is a backstory.
When the elephants are small, the trainers tie these chains around their legs/or to a peg. When the baby elephant tries to run away the chain pulls it back. It even cuts the baby elephants legs sometimes further causing hurt. Soon enough the baby elephant gets conditioned that it can’t escape as long as the chain exists.
This baby elephant can grow upto a multi tonne giant as an adult but in its mind the 15kg chain is a barrier it can’t overcome.

Many days of the year I am that elephant resigned to the memories of failure. Except I know the chains can be broken but am too consumed by my memories of feeling inadequate.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in life, rant

 

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Being a feminist

Alternatively titled To not think feminism means being entitled in the times of Sheila Ki Jawani/Pour It Up/Insert relevant pop culture song.

Feminism is a dirty word for women of my generation. We snigger and loathe it quietly. Recently my organisation took up the task of workplace gender balance correction with great gusto. The men made in appropriate jokes about recruiting large number of women. But the women themselves? Well some of us were ashamed.

We don’t need special treatment. We are as good as the men aren’t we ? Glass ceiling ? What glass ceiling- the only ceiling I see is made of this nice woodwork.

feminism

And to a great extent it’s true. The lucky few of us who walk down these corridors have had it relatively easy. We have supportive families who gave us whatever they would give their sons, we cleared the right exams, got the right jobs, married supportive husbands, work in bias free environments.

But it still says something if I am still the only woman in a meeting room of 15. And yes and that’s why feminism is not a dirty word. We as a generation reaped the benefits of fight someone else put in on behalf of us. They where separate bathroom for women, gender sensitization courses and paid maternity leaves.

And this is about the maybe 0.001% of us who occupy managerial position in corporate. For majority of the women life hasn’t had this dramatic shift within two generations. But I will reserve my comments about the uphill task of women’s equality for some other day.

I believe in my capacity I can make it easier for women working with me. I can make boss-woman less of a novelty. And most importantly just because I got the handles to compete in less unequal field doesn’t undermine the struggles most of my gender goes through.

From one of my favorite books “How To Be A Woman” by Caitlin Moran

“We need to reclaim the word ‘feminism’. We need the word ‘feminism’ back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist – and only 42% of British women – I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies?What part of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? ‘Vogue’ by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?”

Word.

I wrote this years ago. I still find it as relevant now as on that day.

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2014 in life, rant, Uncategorized

 

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Mourn Today. Forget Tomorrow.

This post is prone to rambling, rant and other similar emotions.

I have come to office today after 2 days off to learn some month-end activities. They haven’t started so I checked the net for news on Mumbai attacks like I have obsessively done for some 50 hours past. And I am angry.

The terrorists.

Posed as students. Came easily through Indian waters. Walked into CST. Gunned down civilians and moved on to Cama Hospital.

They are 21 years old. And according to Mumbai Mirror had no inkling that they are going to die.

What the fuck can corrupt a 21 year old educated youth’s mind so much that he is willing to kill a running mother and her baby? I know my generation and its desire for material success. Can really the the yarn of after-life-paradise-virgins-pouring-wine take out the charm of owning an apartment at Colaba and dining at the Zodiac Grill?

I have believed I am possessed with enough ability to put myself in anothers shoe. But I do not possess such searing empathy that I understand why he would stagger and strut after killing innocents and beg to be put on saline when he fears his own life.

How it isn’t the same this time-no more the spirit of Mumbai.

Why is it not the same?

Because the mass media has now realized what the terrorists have realized simultaneously? That blasting locals and crowded Gaffar Markets will kill a common man. Unaccounted for except the wife and children left behind, but people inside overpriced suites in Taj and Oberoi count for just that little bit more?

The IIT-ian at Leopold. He was to get married in a week.Imagine a life, how he must have studied for the JEE, how happy he must have felt on getting through, 4 years there, His courtship with a classmate, how he would have felt on proposing, when the girl accepted, his preparation for marriage, the friends who would have badgered out a bachelors party. 27 years of happiness and sadness. Meaning so much to so many. Did the person opening fire think of those 27 years? No. He didn’t. his target was to notch up as high a number as possible.

This time HNIs have been targeted. The poshest of the posh. It wont be ignored like the locals blown to bits in Jaipur. South Bombay is not Matunga.

I can only hope this will result in something and not rhetoric of bouncing back.

Politicians.

I wish the whole lot of them were inside the Taj. And I wouldn’t want a single commando to risk his life for them. They are the last people worth providing Z plus security. They should fear for their lives like I do when I step out of my home.

From terrorists. From gundas they fester.

I cant bear the thought of allegations-counter allegations and mud slinging that will follow.

The media

I have mixed emotions about them. On one hand they did give minute by minute update. The reporters stationed for the 52 hours-weary but still carrying on.

But interspersing news with exclusive pictures on TimesNow and exclusive this and exclusive that, kind of irritated.

On top of that cricket tour cancelled. Err okay so? More relevant would be the diluge in TN by Cyclone Nisha-which most people must have not been even aware of.

Then the foreign media. Personally I flipped through CNN on the first day and their “US citizen have been targeted” really got my goat to not return. I read in the blogworld how they have gone on to criticize Indian security agencies handling the operation – Who knows which bullet killed the rabbi-the terrorists or the forces? And also India’s “knee-jerk” reaction in blaming Pakistan. This from the country which has mounted now-failing attacks on Iraq-Afghanistan after 9/11 in a completely thought out fashion for terrorists living in close-ally-against-war-on-terror Pakistan. With friends like these the US shouldn’t worry about enemies.

And frankly Indian bloggers you shouldn’t give CNN a damn.

The forces

You succeed not because of the system but despite the system.And thank God for that!

Lathis vs AK-47s and MP-6(which I thought were successors to MP3s). not an even battle but still you took the battle to them.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. The well dressed layered tee guy next to me could take out a weapon from the bag he has slung over his shoulder and kill me without any remorse.The trainee sitting next to me could be doing recco for a future attack. You cant trust anyone. You are not safe anywhere.

Will it stop you?

As I said before it probably wont. People joked in the cafeteria about running away from CST on hearing the sounds of gunshots may finally have lead to losing couple of pounds.

Yes we will return to normal. Not because of any great possession of spirit because is there any other option?

You will mourn today and forget tomorrow. Elect the same people or make movie plans on election day. Go through life like everyday because you are alive and we HAVE got to move on, isnt it?

Till the next time of course.

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2008 in rant, Uncategorized

 

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My resiliance and my spirit

I am a citizen of the Independent, democratic free country of India and yet each day when I step out of my home there is no guarentee I would return to the comfortable bed and Tv remote in the evening

  • As festival time nears, and the markets get crowded I cannot dare to pick up the bag dropped by the stranger walking in front of me, because I could get blown to bits.
  • The big bulky security guards in the local/metro stations look around as people jostle and run towards locals, a million bags between them. Oh there are security gates which beep as every individual passes through it. Frankly I do not know what it would do to alert security guards if it detects a bomb. Since it beeps pretty regularly and is ignored, my assumption is a loud siren or shouting out “bomb!bomb!”. I on the hand do my bit by running in and out of station as fast as my body weight will allow trampling over some and praying hard.
  • I should stay at my native place and look for jobs there so what if the state has gone to the pits thanks to self righteous leaders, so what if I do not identify a bit with the people there thanks to never having lived there, so what if I am over qualified for anything the state has to offer me, that doesnt give me the right to go to another part of my country and try looking for a job there and maybe edge out the locals there.
  • Because Malls, them with their water tight security check will let me in directly to Shoppers Stop if I go via parking lot.
  • Because the taxi driver I flag at the airport can drive off to a deserted place, ask for my ATM card and PIN and pump a couple of bullets into me. Of course I would have bought it on myself being adventurous and traveling alone in the first place.

I understand that leading a country is tough work and its always easy to point fingers. I mean the effort it must take to get 70+ kgs of cake and a couple of thousand rent-a-crowd to populate parks and stop traffic.Ohh and to build bigger statues!

Now if only you had the balls to travel in locals and shop in bazaars like the great Indian middle class. Yeah the same one showing incredible amount of courage, resilience and spirit to bounce back to work the next day after a series of riots/blasts and credited with giving a resounding slap on terror mongers face. You see there is this concept of salary account which gets credited only when one puts in a certain number of hours. Really it isnt so much about the spirit as the stomach.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2008 in rant, Uncategorized