..I got my Mojo back.
Lets just say one quick tour of my “friends list” on any social networking site reveals “committed”,”engaged” or “married” updates. Now I can either pretend that “haha, marriage is for chumps” and go about my life or I could face the mirror and ask myself why the heck is it bothering me that my status has not changed lets see…from the past so many years except a brief bout of blissful singledom in between.
Today I was talking to another unmarried friend and we discussed how it doesnt matter that we have a better bank balance than most men have, we have good careers and are fun, interesting people. All that comes to a naught because if-she-is-not-married-yet-there-must-be-something-wrong-with-her.
And when I was busy dissing people for always following up a “hi” with a “so when are you settling down” I realised the maximum pressure was being put on me by myself. My parents havent really bugged me, all my really close friends are unmarried, the person I want to marry eventually isnt too keen right now-then why the hell am I battering myself by comparing myself to others getting hitched.
Its not a competition even if people keep comparing you to other in-campus romances. They did what suited them and you are doing what suits you. Just like some one chose “derivatives and structures” and I took “international marketing”.
After so many months I have finally found peace in knowing I am okay doing my own thing and him doing his thing. The only thing I really miss is the company we give each other in going to new places, trying new things. And that has nothing to do with “where are we going with this” , its more because there is a 1000kms of physical distance between us and a JetLight ticket also costs 12k one way.
And before I lash at anyone else for judging me, I have got to stop judging myself. I have to stop thinking that the final proof of my “achiever” status is to have a ring on my finger and a chain on my neck. In thinking all this I am losing precious self time where I can do so much for myself.
Its just a number twenty-five not a death toll to jump or perish. I dont know why I have penned something so personal without hiding it in obtuse poetry, but I actually feel a weight lift of my shoulders once I put my life in perspective.
No more self inflicted misery. I need to learn to swim, dance and drive a car before I jump into some well of self loathing. On that note-first car-alto vs xing vs i10?