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Being alone and not being lonely.

31 May

I have lived away from home for some 7 years and counting now. You would think someone who had an extra protected childhood the first few days away from home would have been tough. Not for yours truly. For me it was an adventure, almost like learning to fly. Yes looking back the food sucked, the acco sucked and everything was scary the first time around-whether boarding a bus without understanding the number or destination written in a foreign tongue or walking back alone after class. But it was new and being able to do things yourself was thrilling.

The freedom, the independence was you could say politely was giving me a kick! No more explanations on where you are going, with whom you are going and how long you will be gone.

There were new friends to be added to the existing coterie. In hindsight I may have painted a too rosy picture but yes I don’t particularly remember feeling too lonely or angtsy. There were always friends around and maybe my grouch those days was there was never any time alone.

Till I started working.

And work life and student life are chalk and cheese even if its staying away from home. From the constant humdrum that is a hostel to coming back to an empty apartment every evening. To be surrounded by gossip, giggles and a million dreams is different from a hurried breakfast, putting an access card around your neck, and slipping into formal shoes.

And then comes the time when you walk into a CCD alone. Order coffee, pull out a book and avoid eye contact with happy couples all around.Alone.

Because there comes a point when you will be forced to have lunch alone The first time I walked into a restaurant, hesitantly and when the usher asked how many people, I had wished the earth would swallow me when I said one. Why is this happening to me? Is my social life so dead that I have no one to accompany me to a restaurant?

That was more than a year ago.

In a year where I travelled to locations where I dint know the local language or a single soul, I have eaten alone in some shady and some must-visit joints.

I have shopped alone when everyone’s social calendar was too booked to accommodate me.

On days I get bored I walk around aimlessly window shopping till I find a bookstore.

Perhaps the only thing I haven’t done alone is watch a movie, and once the movies are back at the multiplexes am sure I ll do that as well.

I wrote this because I know a lot of girls would rather sit bored at home than venture out alone. I was one of them till I found how liberating it is to do your own thing, at your own pace.

Yes given a choice I will prefer company but if not then the fact that I am alone isn’t going to stop me from doing something I want to do.

As status messages in FB go from single->engaged->married at lightening pace and marriage invites flood the inbox I figure I ll be doing more things alone as friends slowly and steadily drop out of social circle.

PS: I do often attribute doing my own thingy is a little stronger than needed in me. Maybe that is why I have lost so many friends on the way. I have tried to remember the birthdays as well as I can but have often not been there when I was required. Solely because I was doing my own thing. Call me selfish but that doesn’t dim the kinship I have felt towards anyone at any point in my life. Maybe I floundered what could have been. But given a second chance I am sure I wouldn’t do anything different.

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32 Comments

Posted by on May 31, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

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32 responses to “Being alone and not being lonely.

  1. AnotherKiranInNYC

    May 31, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    Ah lonliness… I remember that as part of my longlost youth. It is a time, when lonliness hurts the most. By that passes, as everything else does.

    Chin up, I am sure you are doing great!

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:11 pm

      Hey..am really not all that sad!!

      and welcome to my blog.

       
  2. Smita

    May 31, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Gosh!!! I felt I was reading my story!!!!

    The only difference is that when I used to come back to an empty home I ever felt lonely. You know before I started staying alone I used to hate eating alone. I would rather stay hungry than to eat alone and u know what I missed the most because of it?? Eating chaat!!!

    6 months later I was a changed person. On Sundays I used to buy all possible news papers, take a book and hit for lunch. In fact I even enjoyed shopping alone…

    Guess it is all about adjusting to circumstances and enjoying in what is available…:-)

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:11 pm

      exactly…why stay in, when you can go out and have some fun?

       
  3. hemanth

    May 31, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    its kind of important and good that u are going thru it..believe me..watching a movie all alone with just a popcorn is so much fun..try it out sometime

    and its more fun if the guy at the counter says..sir u shld watch this today 🙂

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:12 pm

      i think watching a movie alone tho takes more guts than simply eating lunch alone.

      But then hey its dark,no one’s gonna know 🙂

       
  4. Rohit

    May 31, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I empathize. Eating dinner alone sucks, and I do it on almost all weekdays. Crappy food and no company is a pretty bad combo.

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:13 pm

      actually am just tired of eating out!

       
  5. spamwarrior

    June 1, 2009 at 6:59 am

    I’m like you, I’m a person who does things at her own pace. I’m also kind of a loner… someone who likes to be by herself, which isn’t always the healthiest thing. A lot of times I just like to eat alone with a book, or shop alone, or walk through a bookstore alone without having to match with someone else’s schedule.

    At the same time maybe it’s because for most of my life I’ve been around people. I have a huge family and they never leave me alone for more than 5 minutes unless I’m in the bathroom.

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:15 pm

      so you are kind of balanced out which is good…by the way influenced by your blog i bought a Jackie Collins hero-sweeps-heroine-off-her-feet book. I think its been a decade since I have read such mush!!

       
  6. Saumya

    June 1, 2009 at 8:14 am

    Well I am married and I still travel ,shop and eat alone and come back to an empty apartment …and guess what I have done the movie thing too !! Trust me there will be a time when u crave for the loneliness .. so njoi while you have it!!!

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:15 pm

      why??where’s R?

       
      • Saumya

        June 4, 2009 at 3:28 pm

        In the great land of my ancestors is where he is :):)!!

         
  7. Solilo

    June 1, 2009 at 11:02 am

    You know what? I am someone who enjoys solitude. I always have. I can be in a crowd and yet have my space. Most people find it hard to believe because I also am a very people person.

    Yes given a choice I will prefer company but if not then the fact that I am alone isn’t going to stop me from doing something I want to do.

    Yay!

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:16 pm

      So thats good right!best of both worlds!!

       
  8. Sarsij Nayanam

    June 1, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    🙂 well its almost my story…….just that I have been watching movies alone, since ages…thanks to my 18+ years away from home…..

    keep writing!

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:18 pm

      18+?? thats a looong time!!

      and welcome to my blog!

       
  9. Mumbai Diva

    June 1, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Absolutely love the post. It is so me.

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:20 pm

      🙂 thanks MD

       
  10. Neo Kluber

    June 2, 2009 at 3:54 am

    WSW, this is why I come back to your blog. You have the ability to touch your readers’ mind. All you have written feels so much like reflection of my own though it’s been going on for 6+ years for me! One gets used to it, but after many years it becomes too much to endure! I think that’s when even the coolest loner decides to get married.

     
    • WSW

      June 2, 2009 at 8:21 pm

      Thank you…

      I think that’s when even the coolest loner decides to get married.

      I agree.

       
  11. Arpz

    June 3, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    hmmm, I miss those days of mine. I have always stayed with family, but always have been a loner … have been happy among people, but really totally happiest alone. and now that im married, i really face a damn tough time being with someone 24/7, having to answer people, having to make small talk, having to call up random relatives just to say a namaste and all that shit.
    Im just hoping and praying i get used to this shit, else im just gonna go insane with all these people around me. moi thinks, im actually losing myself with all the people around.

    okay, enough cribbing. Why do you write such posts that make me crib so badly :-/

     
    • WSW

      June 3, 2009 at 11:34 pm

      Since these are the only posts I see from your end I am happy…

      what can I do to make you write?what?what?

       
      • Arpz

        June 4, 2009 at 6:08 pm

        A few inches off my bulging waist.

        Bolo, kar sakte ho kya? 😉

         
  12. AB

    June 4, 2009 at 12:04 am

    what will your boy think after reading this ? .. dont u think he will be depressed.

     
    • WSW

      June 5, 2009 at 8:26 am

      Naa…he would just leave a comment 😛

       
  13. Atlee

    June 4, 2009 at 11:41 pm

    I laughed out loud one evening at NITIE, when Kili told me that he used to watch movies alone!. Till one day, when I myself took a corner seat and saw a movie alone…

    I was humbled 🙂 and called up Kili to apologise.

     
    • WSW

      June 5, 2009 at 8:27 am

      FMCG training ke side effects!!

       
  14. Satish

    June 6, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Above all your posts, I actually like the way you painstakingly replying to every comment, you certainly seem to be an interesting character. I should say that I am very senior to you in being all alone and its 9 yrs now and counting … but being alone will certainly make one, balanced, matured, sensible and above all STRONG.

     
    • WSW

      June 13, 2009 at 12:14 pm

      Heh..interesting character I certainly am.
      Hopefully am filled with all these positive characteristics by the end of this.

       
  15. Rahul

    July 8, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Wow! i am so so glad that i stumbled on your blog…

    I happen to go through the same these days.. so can totally relate to this post..

    and yeah.. the alon-movie-watching thingy has also happened.. but thats ok, considering i am a movie freak.

    loved your blog.. will keep coming now. 🙂

     
  16. Greg

    January 10, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    I’m in my mid 20’s and I still feel the same way you do. Its really hard to face life by yourself. Having someone next to you helping out in the bad times, and cheering on in the good times just plane sucks.

     

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