Mit jaaye….common sense…

03 Oct

See this is the sad thing about people like me. Over the past few weeks I saw an array of superbly crafted awesome Bollywood fare but did not review or praise any. It left me reeling almost thinking this was the brave new Bollywood. First Rock On. As I wrote earlier this movie despite some forced melodrama makes you feel good, it connects with you because most of us have dreams, maybe not rockstar material but “alternate careers” we could have been successful and happy in had we simply had the err..guts to follow them.

Next week I saw A Wednesday. I cannot gush enough about this movie. It has never been more relevant than today when as a common man you step out without the guarantee of returning home alive. Naseer and Anupam Kher and the assorted cast of this thriller played it so flawlessly that its difficult for me to imagine these actors in nonsensical roles like in Jaane-man and Mohra. Heck, even Deepal-Kabhi-aar-kabhi-paar-Shaw with her weird makeup and pursed lips hindi channel news reporter fit the bill. I say if you haven’t seen this movie yet you book your ticket now and go.

The third was Last Lear. It is your pretentious Arty-fartsy cinema all right. But there is poignancy in the movie and a strength in the big B’s character that sails it through. The undercurrent of struggles of women just appeased the hidden feminist in me.

So when you have been exposed to a slew of good hindi films you expect your luck to continue. So in all that excitement I booked my first day second show for Kidnap. It helped that it starred the eyebrow-full delicious Imraan Khan in a negative role.(He he don’t girls love the bad boys)

*******some spoilers ahead**************

So there we were in over priced PVR seats battling the constant fear of getting blown to bits(holiday, big targeted city, crowded Mall, hello?)as Minisha Lamba burst into an item song within 2 seconds of the start. You know you can guess in the initial 15 minutes if you are gonna sit back and enjoy the next 3 hours or just regret wasting them . Well we sat through the song giving Sanjay Gandhvi (Mere Yaar ki Shaadi Hain, Dhoom, Dhoom 2) the benefit of commercial considerations. But enter scene 2 where the supposedly 17 year old Minisha *smirk* has an argument with her mother who is played by *drum rolls* Vidya Malwade (Cakh De, Vidya Sharma, India Captain). A collective huh goes in the hall. But wait the movie has just started and you have that “oh” moment when you realize this is going to be one killer movie.

So next moment a heated discussion later Minisha strips to a bikini and goes swimming presumably to cool off, where she gets kidnapped by the unshaven,unwashed Imran Khan. Now the cat and mouse game with her super-rich, super-arrogant dad Sanjay Dutt will begin. To show how powerful and I-mean-business Sanjay’s character is we have him addressing a meeting where after informing the assembled employees how arrogant, greedy and successful he is, he asks them to handover an embezzler or stop coming for work. Ok, we are scared now, this is the tough guy.

Soon he is contacted by ex-wife Malwade who informs him his daughter is kidnapped. Apart from the stressing problem of missing daughter Ms.Malvade has also to face the distress of being unable to find a single shirt/blouse which fits her and is forced to wear the same shirt/blouse she wore when she was a 7 years old. The result is quite popping (for males-eye popping as well). But we soon realize it is a problem inflecting her progeny as well because why else will a kidnapped helpless girl choose to wear midriff and cleavage baring itsy-bitsy bits around the kidnapper. Gandhvi did say something about Minisha’s character being fierce and not one to take her kidnapping lying down. And sure enough, she coaxes her kidnapper to let her perform a white-clothes-on-beach-under-waterfall song, the lyrics of which superbly showcast her strength of character.It does take a very strong girl to mouth “yeh mausam bada awesome” while bathing in front of her kidnapper.

After all this we get to the Sanjay-Imran game. After lot of useless running around we are given a flashback of why Imran behaves the way he does. The story as convincing as Dev Anand playing a college-goer. If you have seen Zinda, you will start drawing parallels by now and find Zinda infinitely better.

Anyhoo, lot of arbit stunts, moves, chases involving the agile Imran, Dutt and Dutt’s paunch, (including Malvade and Dutt freeing a prisoner from jail, the sequence of which alone can cause all your grey cells to commit mass-suicide) we have the climax where Imran dies and lives again.

The only dialogue which salvages the entire movie and 3 hours of wasted life time is when in the epilogue Imran asks for forgiveness from his kidnapee and informs her he now works in a software firm. The audience in the cinema hall in India’s IT city was falling off the chair by now. The perfect ending would of course have been a love story and marriage between Imran and Minisha’s  character but Gandhvi leads up the tempo only to disappoint by not adding this master stroke.

So moral of the story

Do go and watch kidnap if:

  1. You finally want to get rid of the grey cells forever
  2. You can do anything for Imran Khan
  3. You can do anything for Sanjay Dutt
  4. You can do anything to see cleavage
  5. You are dying to see a good comedy film


Posted by on October 3, 2008 in movies, Uncategorized


Tags: ,

7 responses to “Mit jaaye….common sense…

  1. AB

    October 3, 2008 at 5:07 am

    Eye Popping review !! .. direct challenge to Mr. Rajeev Masand.

    PS:- achhaa !! GUCCI. aisa bolo na.

  2. Batty

    October 5, 2008 at 12:38 am

    Well I got Rs 130 worth of cleavage…so I better not complain… but mom and daughter vying to show more was a lil unimaginable…

  3. kiransawhney

    October 5, 2008 at 9:15 am

    ha ha..great moral of the story. love your post. sorry posted my comment first elsewhere.

  4. arpz

    October 7, 2008 at 11:23 am

    *sigh* if only we’d read this earlier, we would not have wasted 3 precious hours of our vacation watching this.

  5. Sunita

    October 7, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    Watch Drona and I bet you will be happy you wasted your money on kidnap !!!

  6. mysticalme

    October 7, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Farhan Akhtar is the best thing that has happened to hindi film industry in recent times..and what to say of Anuopam and Naseer t..they are the real rock stars after their terific performance in “a wednesday”.

    and after reading your revie of KIDNAP…i have no intention of…getting rid of the grey cells forever… I am nt interested at all in Imran Khan.

    my first time on your blog..loved the review!


    keep writing!

  7. B

    November 27, 2008 at 1:49 am

    Imran was just not suitable for Kidnap at all..maybe a few yrs down the line but he looked kinda uncomfortable throughout..what beats me is that he himself had made fun of macho guys in the promos of Janee Tu and then to do that same thing??
    Also Minisha was just not Urmila in any sense
    Cant belive that this movie is Gadhvi’s was quite bad


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