I was packing my things at NITIE, and I found this diary I used to maintain during my first year in engineering college. The entries are laughable now, childish, immature of a girl trying to adjust to a new place totally different from the environment she has been bought up in. Most of it is about the new people she was meeting but one entry was addressed to God. Somehow it holds true even today, six years, countless exams, million people later…
Today’s entry is more like a prayer, a request. oh God let me always remember what I want in life. God let me not compare myself with others, coz that would never get me anywhere.
I often think about my parents these days. How much it would have pained them to send me away like this.My mom whose life has always revolved around me and dad whose heart beats inside me, how I can never, ever let them down or hurt them. Every child and parent must be thinking theirs is the most unique or loving relationship in the world.
Everybody has their pain to bear, their cross to carry. Some cope better than others, others not as well.
Sometimes I wish I was still there, with them but I always knew one day I would leave home. Forever. Just that I never thought that day would come when it came and that I didnt even know or realize it.
I wonder if I’ll ever know that kind of unselfish love that I had for those 18 years. Days pass when I yearn for a true friend who just listens to me crib and loves me unconditionally warts and all.
Am not free from envy but there’s always this voice which tells me I am the happiest the way I am and actually if some one were to ask me today, right now ” are you happy with your life?” I would say”yeah, pretty much!”
So much for philosophizing, life…..
Life has come a full circle. I had a blast with my independence. Learnt lessons the hard way, got bruised but learnt and had a party most of the time. But when I sit in Angela Inn in a small town in Bengal flicking channels mindlessly after a days work, I wish I had the innocence which 6 years of cynicism have dug and buried somewhere.
PS: 2 years of bliss have come to an end. I think its the nostalgia getting to me seeing campus as it was in our heyday and knowing that this too will end.