Generally people put on weight after something like marriage, child birth or after becoming mon-cum-dustbin for leftover because ‘you cant waste food’. But I put on weight after getting a job. And its not like you know a couple of kilos, its like a couple of kilos on the left, a couple of kilos on the right. And I have transformed into a blimp.
You know a lot of people might find this a little hard to digest, but I used to be thin once. I mean not really waif like, am too ‘big boned’ for that…but you know flat stomach, flatter chest etc etc very very model like. (Oh so now you are rolling on the floor laughing, well go ahead)
Now I have tried really hard to convince myself with the voluptuous-i-love-curvy-woman bit, but seriously cylindrical is not my shape of choice.
I am not a naturally skinny person. You might know people who can polish off a couple of biryanis, burp and not put on an ounce. I on the other hand can walk past Café Coffee Day, think about the sizzling brownie and add a kilo. Again it doesn’t help that my parents concept of healthy-beautiful people comes from south Indian movies. I could be a mini elephant for all that matters but my mom would just say ‘you look just perfect, so healthy’ . So much for holding a mirror to the truth.
So its scary when my mom, my mom bought up on thunder-thighed Mallu movies looks at me and says it wont hurt to exercise a bit. I try to push out the inconvenient truth that none of my jeans fit and it’s a sole 50%lycra model that’s saving the day ( Lycra-either you have it or you don’t. Sob. Irony) Why even the tee I bought couple of months back looks like I stole it from my 6 year old niece and wriggled into it.
Malls, they have become my least favorite place. I mean 18year olds who look like they weigh as much seem to have their skinny jeans stitched on while I do a snake dance to get into my comfort fit. And why aren’t trendy tees ever available in L but only S and XS.
In fact any place where you can run into someone you knew a couple of years ago is a major non favorite. Like airports. Sample
Engineering classmate: WSW !
Me: Engineering classmate! How have you been? I almost couldn’t recognize you..you have thinned down and look faboulous.
EC: Yup me too. You have become so plump. You have put on quite a bit.
As if repeating that 100 times wasn’t enough, she jutted her elbows out, you know when you have to describe someone really round and did the action to ensure I got the point.
So I am thinking I should do something about this. I mean thin is in. Adnan Sami. Kareena Kapoor. Tanushree Dutta. (ehmm..all in showbiz…hmmm..)
1. Join a gym. Gold’s gym? Imagine the wonderful things working next to Bipasha and John could do to my ego. But am in Bardwan and not Bombay. Out.
2. Work out on my own. That has never happened. Ever.
3. Orange juice diet. Yeah right.
4. Buy more lycra wale jeans. This sounds promising.
5. Wear salwar kurta all the time. Currently doing that.
The point of this post is next time you meet me after a break don’t say ohh you have put on. I have put on. I know that. Tell me if you know some quick fix to get out of it.Don’t use your elbows to emphasise. Don’t tell me about people who have become even thinner. They won’t survive drought or ice age. I will.