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Where are we heading for Mr. Navigator?

28 Feb

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Right now am clutching my right ankle and shots of pain are streaming up my knee.

Flashback

Couple of hours ago. Placement brochure profile shoot. Nice clothes( not the omnipresent ICICI Lombard/Prerana/Confluence t-shirts which apart from being free are 2 sizes too big.). Preening. Supermodel confidence. Slanted steps. Uncomfortable heels. Attempt at being cool. Audience of around 30. Ankle twists. Flying. Landing. Damage control- impossible.

People may have moved on but I on the other hand can’t move at all.

Ha-ha-i-fell-down post ends here. Welcome to cribberia. If your problems arent enough for you or if your the sadist types who goes-dekh dekh uska bhi kat raha hai then please proceed, otherwise..top right, red cross, click.

Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.

To be embarrassed about my marks was a new and strange feeling. Now it feels at home.

Being broke was accepted as part of lifestyle in engineering. Hand to mouth existence took on a whole new meaning. One weekend out in Mumbai and it takes the phrase to the next level. Dad now if only like all good mallus you had gone to gelf. You could have had millions of riyadh and another family stashed away by now.

Long distance relationships. Its difficult conversation when two people talk at the same time. Its tougher when the conversation is on the phone. Virtual hugs are as snuggly and cuddly as the steel toaster.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear

Yes sometimes I feel retarded. The rise of the share market and release of a new IPO doesn’t send my blood rushing. The dollars saved by improving operation efficiency of a plant at Timbuktu doesn’t send my adrenaline pumping. Am I normal?

You’re still in bed at ten and work began at eight

And yeah no one put a proxy for you.

Your mama warned you there’d be days like these
But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

Although engineering taught me that usually you would have only your pillow and winamp to share your misery an MBA teaches you how hopelessness feels. How to walk through life with a stupid smile on your face when all you feel is confusion at where you are going. To fake a confidence you don’t feel. To let your tongue cover for your brain.

A year ago it seemed life couldn’t have blessed me more. Today I doubt the choices I made. From idealist supreme to total moral corruption, I traveled the distance in 4 years but today am in a limbo. Faith has stopped answering my questions. An arrow without purpose I know can only cause collateral damage.How long can you walk direction less? How long can you work on something that barely holds your interest?Who should you trust and why? Should you compromise on your beliefs? Should you say yes to temptation? Should you take a chance heavily loaded against you?

Does everyone go through these? Does everyone feel these things?
Is it possible to go from ecstatic euphoria to depths of despair?

Misery is bearable. Emptiness of soul is not.

PS: even Blogger has put an end to my resistance to Blogger Beta by simply refusing me to sign in till I move. Sigh!

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12 Comments

Posted by on February 28, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

12 responses to “Where are we heading for Mr. Navigator?

  1. Anonymous

    February 28, 2007 at 1:19 pm

    Yes People feel what u r feeling.

    No i am not trying to comfort u.

    Being Ambivalent needn’t be an antecedent to despair.

    Add spirit to the soul to fill the emptiness.

    J.

     
  2. anonymous fren..

    February 28, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    Only one wrong decision and you are sentenced for two years…two years of extreme boredom… hopelessness .. Then you think to compromise for the first tym in ur lyf….. but at last all of ‘em fails..
    Final result z lyk-
    Friends : still prefer to talk to my old frens instead of making so called PRs here..
    Aim: now I doubt I ever had any…
    Love lyf: lol!

    Then I think..Life is a journey … a journey of many miles… with many cross roads.. Many a times it’s so clear and visible and yet many a times the fog of time makes everything so obscure. It answers so many questions.. But every answers it conceives a fresh inquisitiveness.. That’s how life goes… I have so many questions left to answer. But candidly speaking.. I don’t know whether all this is what I want to live for.., The decision is wide open! Like life.. Like the night.. Like the moon!

     
  3. anN-series

    March 1, 2007 at 10:49 am

    towards the fag end of my course, um having the same thots!!!

     
  4. Anonymous

    March 1, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    Does everyone go through these? Does everyone feel these things?
    Is it possible to go from ecstatic euphoria to depths of despair?

    bingo!!
    well its even better for some fortunte few..who dont hv to go thru ecstatic euphoria.. to fall great deeep depths…. the pit just keep geting deeper nd deeper.. like a bottomless abyss

    nd ya its possible to put on a smile nd go thru life.. lukin flawless.. even whn one cant rememebr the last time one did smeting rite.

    damn you life

    nim

     
  5. Neo Kluber

    March 1, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Yes, everyone goes through this grail, whether it be MBA or the job which seemed like the best thing to happen after 8 horrific semesters of engineering. 3 years into the job, life’s directionless and the old days of engineering appear as golden days when brain really had a use, even if it was for solving the small computer science lab program. Well, life’ll find its way as always!

    I still read your blogs and I’m so glad to see such a post after a long time. You seemed to have been very busy and your blogs were becoming smaller and smaller.

     
  6. Bijay Kumar

    March 2, 2007 at 6:34 am

    .

     
  7. Bijay Kumar

    March 3, 2007 at 8:53 am

    When the death smiles…smile back.

     
  8. Abhinav

    March 4, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    Theres a fine line between the depths of despair and the state of euphoria…everyone runs over the sinusoidal wave across this line….Cheer up..Make life worth living and death worth dying!…nice blog good posts…uve a fan 🙂

     
  9. surya

    March 6, 2007 at 7:54 am

    Guess you lack sense of humour coz Life is a joke and you just dont get it! 🙂

    Well you are 99.99% normal…
    but instead of calling this a situational despair..
    change the reference and celebrate the state of affairs!
    (Gosh look that rhymes..:))

     
  10. StandbyMind

    March 13, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    Nice ma..Liked this one really…

    Emptiness of sould aint…nicely said there

     
  11. IAmTheBlogger

    March 15, 2007 at 9:58 pm

    “grass is greener on the other side”
    and things tend to loose their meaning once u get themm 🙂
    so true and happens to all of us i guess……an accomplishment which has a long lasting high……..at least i haven’t had i…and some other times we just tend to belittle our own achievements…..

    ….:)….

     
  12. Anonymous

    March 24, 2007 at 3:14 am

    Wht u feel or wht u say is jst a state of mind…the only remedy is having ‘no regrets’…’no fretting’
    it goes like this..
    We nevr hav wht we like and we nevr like wht we hav and still live, love and hope that someday we will get wht we love or wht we have…tht’s life..
    so as sme of my frnds put it
    “take light” 😉

     

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