Its 4.35 am. Bryan Adams is asking me to do something amazing. And in an ideal world I would be under my blanket and fast asleep. But then……yeah you got the point that am currently not in one.
Am not a night creature. My brain shuts down at 12 come what may. That has become a problem here in a B-School were life begins at 6. pm that is.
So some random musings that are crossing my mind right now.
I wanna go home. I miss my mom. I miss sleeping next to her. Acually I miss the gossip session we have before I slip to yonderland. 4 years of engineering have never made me feel as cut off from them as these 3 months have. I wonder what they watch on TV these days. What did mum cook on dashmi? I never bothered asking. Has Dad bought the new shirt he had planned aeons ago or is he waiting for me to come back with my “good taste” in clothes?
I wanna be in Hyd with Deep and Manu before Manu leaves for Infy. I want to listen to that humor and leg pulling once again. Brandish my ignorance without shame. Go on an eating binge with Manu and look at all the stuff Deep must have bought with her salary.
I wanna be with TK and tell him I would never change into the monster he thinks I have become.
I wanna know what am doing, where am heading to. Am I finally doing what I want or am I farther than ever from what I want?
I wanna go out and make new friends and remove whatever stops me and makes me withdraw to my shell.
I wanna learn diplomacy and the ability to fake/take interest in other people’s affairs as if my life depended on it. I wanna stop not caring, a legacy from CUSAT which refuses to go away.
Where’s the people pleaser in me gone? Why have the 4 years made me so indifferent that I no longer care or even pretend to about another person’s opinion.
I am scared about what’s gonna happen in the mod exams. I am scared what it will do to my CV. I am scared of going through the GD-PI routine again.
I am obsessed with Prerana. I hope it goes well.
I want some chocolate right now. No, but I need to watch my weight or change my wardrobe.
I need to sleep. I have a marketing lecture at 9.
I should delete this entry. Chod, ki farak penda hai?