Return of the aspiring writer

So today I tried logging into my WordPress account and then being supremely competent spent 30 mins resetting my password.

Life has been happening. Like working to earn a living. Ensuring offspring will turn into a well adjusted human being later in life. WhatsApping latest UNESCO achievements of our national anthem.

In between all this life, I just did not find the time to fulfill the dream of every BTech-MBA -no not the corner office but getting yourself published.

The only writing skill I have polished in the last few years is writing emails.

I have heard blogging is dead so I hope to utilize this little piece of internet that is mine to write and write and write.

Get in my 10000 hours in (still very influenced by books I read 10 years ago), maybe discover a little bit of myself, and maybe even get a couple of readers in the process.

And maybe just maybe one day I will be able to put something out there to publish. You know like this story of a South Indian girl marrying a North Indian boy whom she met at a call center in the background of violent riots in her city.






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Posted by on May 21, 2017 in Uncategorized


When Baby Ads hit home

One of the first things a new mommy has to learn is the poo face!
This one goes real quiet, red in face and super serious.


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A week ago as I went about doing the usual nappy changing and feeding, I locked my eyes with him. And he smiled at me. It wasn’t gas, it wasn’t some meaningless twisting of mouth. He looked at me and smiled.
It felt as if every night I have got up since his birth, every tear I shed on the feeding issues, every “compromise” I have made so far was rewarded.
As the week progressed I have been rewarded with more smiles and “replies” to my questions. So what if all of them sound like “agoo”.
Baby, you will kill me with that smile!

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Posted by on July 8, 2015 in Uncategorized


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How I Met My Son

A month ago my son arrived a week ahead of time after putting his mom through an experiance she was neither prepared for nor was she able to handle with any resemblance of lady like behavior.
Labor and delivery aren’t beautiful even if they are miraculous. So I will try to limit the description of bodily fluids to the minimum so that you don’t feel the need to wash your eyeballs with bleach or tie up your tubes.
The last mile of a pregnancy has little joy to be honest. You are huge- every movement is slow and filled with discomfort. I couldn’t wait for it to end and “motherhood” to start. I was counting days to the start of my maternity leave and my gynec was hinting my bundle was piling it on ( like his momma) and that we may have to plan an early induction if the baby continued to gain weight at this pace.
However by May the weight gain had stabilized. After a couple of highly unpleasant internal exams on May 5th the gynec said it looked like baby would make an appearance only by the EDD.
So at 8PM that evening when I got up to have dinner only to feel a woosh and find myself standing in a pool of blood I was shocked . The contractions started immediately. The husband who by some quirk of fate felt like taking the day off sprung into action and ran with my hospital bag to the car. MIL and my mother meanwhile tried to calm me (and themselves I believe) and control the flow of blood. But it didn’t stop, I spattered from my home to the car, from the car backseat to the hospital corridor and all the way to L&D room.
The duty doctor freaked on seeing my blood soaked clothes. ( I had been bleeding for close to an hour by then) and wanted to perform an emergency c sec right away. However on monitoring fetal heartbeat and my blood pressure – both of which appeared normal she decided to wait. She called my ob-gyn and decided I have “excessive show”. We decided to wait and watch.
The labour had begun.
The minutes seemed like hours. Due to the bleeding I couldn’t walk, massage myself or make any movement – I had to lie prone on my back and well grin and bear.
The husband at this point was doing everything wrong – for eg telling me things like “This isn’t pain. You are not hurt. This is a gift” to motivate me. If I could, I would have kicked him where it hurt and told him it was my gift to him. Fortunately for him I was flat on my back.
This continued till 6AM. I had dilated from 2 to 3cm after 10 odd hours of labour.
It was time to induce.
The next 3 hours were non stop contractions. By 9AM I was begging every nurse and doctor who came in for a pain killer and couldn’t bear another internal exam. I was also wallowing in sweat, blood, and passing other fluids in a bed pan. It may not be the place for such thing but it was a little humiliating. Also I was getting scolded by the LD nurses for wimpering from pain.
At around 9.30-9.45 my ob-gyn came. After another painful internal exam the mood of the room changed.
What happened the next 15 mins I am not sure of because I was too delirious with pain and the husband had at this opportune moment unfortunately stepped out for grabbing a bite.
I could only make out “7cms- she will not be able to push-baby is also big.”
By the time my husband came down there was an oxygen mask on my face and an energency c sec form in my hands for signature. Apparently the fetal heartbeat was dropping.
A catheter was inserted and I was bundled to the OT. Everything was frantic now. My ob-gyn was shouting at people. The lights were too bright and I was given spinal injections. The screen was set up and I could feel hands moving in the lower part of my body. Then there was something pressing down and the doctor standing near my head said “It’s over. It’s over. Baby is out. That was the pressure releasing”.
It was 10.28AM. 14 odd hours after my labor began.
“What is it?”
“It’s a boy. He is fine but we are taking him to NICU. Your husband will be there along with him.”
I think I passed out from exhaustion and remember vaguely being wheeled to a post op room.
C Sec moms get a lot of flak for not passing through the trial by fire of motherhood that is labor. But the weeks of recovery post op convinced me C Sec is a b@&%! And an emergency one after enduring labour gets me a gold star.
My son remained in NICU for a day while his breathing stabilized and the maternal blood he had swallowed was removed.
He was 3.28kgs and 50cms at birth.
I was on bed rest the day of the birth and met him for the first time the next morning almost 24 hours after birth.
He was on his bed in NICU making faces in his dream and a simple board identified him as B/O “me”. A rather plain way of telling the world that my heart now lay outside my body, don’t you think?

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Posted by on June 8, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Forget postpartum. Wish I looked like this on one of my best days. Yes I know she is a princess with an entourage.

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Posted by on May 3, 2015 in Uncategorized


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This is going to be TMI and not only for the reference of body parts and processes one rather not but from that I am it maybe TMI about a first time mother’s feelings.
Labour Day is almost here ( haha yup not the May1 labour Day!). It’s just a matter of a week give or take few.
All my pregnancy I have pushed this thought away from my head that one day that baby would need to come out through that small hole in my body.
I almost thought of labour and the final show like a third person, Which would happen to someone else.
But yesterday was a rude awakening. I went for an internal exam. The first of my life. Unlike my first ultrasound I couldn’t look at the experiance and laught later or put a comedic spin to it.
It was painful. I screamed like a child and started resisting. Which made it more painful. Ultimately my Obgyn gave up and couldn’t do the stripping as she had planned.
While I have gone crazy reading if stripping is the right way to go ahead after coming home. What shocked me was my utter intolerance to pain.
Who was that yelping schoolgirl on that table? How is this person planning to give birth naturally? Have I already started jeopardizing Baby B due to my own failures? Yup the hamster was spinning out of control in my brain.
The Obgyn chided me for being a wimp. And it just added to my overall embarrassment and sense of failure.
Then she wrote in my pregnancy folder that I was “not allowing”.
I cried all the way home and then some more. Put myself to sleep crying only to wake up after a nightmare of dying in the OT without ever meeting my baby.
Asked a few friends who said the stripping pain was manageable. That didn’t help me.
Spoke to other mums. Thought about all the kids born in this world and the pain all mums go through. I ain’t the first one. I am not Eve.
Truly the dread of physical pain is much more than any mental agony. Because it’s a bit of both.
I go in for a request check next week. If I don’t “allow” I am afraid the verdict would be clear.
I will be the mum who didn’t even try natural.

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Posted by on May 1, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Things I miss when I lug my huge belly and 90kg self around :
1. Seeing my feet
2. Sleeping on my back. Actually sleeping through the night.
3. A bladder that could hold pee when required.
4. A face that wasn’t partially discolored.
5. Size 10 clothes.
6. Running
7. Lifting. Often better than the men at the gym.
8. Move faster than a tortoise
9. Getting up without sound effects.
10. Getting beauty treatments to look less like a hairy man.
11. Boobs that pointed ahead.
12. Looking and feeling attractive.
13. Not wanting to strangle my husband every alternate second.

What I will miss in a month or so :
1. Being with my baby 24-7 and Carrying my baby everywhere.
2. Feeling my baby move and wriggle around.
3. The galloping little heart on Doppler.

It was a decent trade off I believe.

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Posted by on April 12, 2015 in Uncategorized